The Hill I Will Die On: Hot Dogs Only Want Ketchup and Mustard

The hill I will die on hot dogs is short, simple, and grilling season has officially arrived to test me on it: according to official taste bud studies (mine), mustard and ketchup are the only acceptable toppings for a hot dog. That’s it. That’s the list. I will die on this hill with a paper plate in one hand and a Coca-Cola in the other, and I will not be talked out of it. Come at me, comments section.

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Listen. I have a husband who is going to read this post and immediately start typing. Jason grew up in Iowa with a heavy Chicago influence, which means he believes a hot dog requires neon green relish, sport peppers, tomato wedges, a pickle spear, celery salt, mustard, and a poppy seed bun, and absolutely positively no ketchup. He calls it a Chicago dog. I call it a salad on a sausage. We have been married for over thirty years and we have agreed to disagree on approximately seventeen things, and this is one of them. You can pick your team in the comments. I am extending him zero peace offerings on this issue.

And here is where it gets fun. According to the actual National Hot Dog and Sausage Council — yes, that is a real organization, headquartered in Washington D.C., founded by the American Meat Institute in 1994 — there is an official hot dog etiquette guide, and it has opinions. The Council says mustard, relish, onions, cheese, and chili are all acceptable. They also say, and I quote directly off their website, “Don’t use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18.” Which means Jason’s Chicago dog is officially council-approved and my ketchup is officially council-banned, and I am here to tell the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council that I am a grown woman with five children and I will put ketchup on my hot dog until the day I die. This is America. We did not fight a revolution so that a trade association in Washington could tell me how to dress a wiener.

The hill I will die on hot dogs is this: mustard and ketchup are the only acceptable toppings, the Chicago dog is a beautiful chaotic mess that belongs in a museum and not on my plate, and a properly grilled hot dog with two stripes of yellow mustard and one stripe of ketchup is one of the greatest five-dollar meals on planet earth. Tell me where you stand in the comments — Team Stephanie (ketchup and mustard, that’s it), Team Jason (Chicago dog with all the chaos), or some wild third position I haven’t even considered yet. I want to hear all of it. Bring the receipts. Bring the photos of your perfect dog. Let’s settle this.

Hill I Will Die On — Hot Dogs FAQ

But the National Hot Dog Council literally says no ketchup. Are you really going to argue with the experts?

I am, and I am going to do it cheerfully. The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is a trade association, not the Supreme Court. They also said in their own poll that 61% of Americans put ketchup on their hot dogs anyway. The hill I will die on hot dogs is a democracy, not a monarchy, and the majority is with me. Sorry, Council. The people have spoken and the people have chosen ketchup.

What about a Chicago dog? Have you actually tried one?

I have tried one. I have tried many. I am married to a man who orders them on principle. A Chicago dog is a fine piece of culinary engineering and I respect it the way I respect a Rube Goldberg machine — impressive, ambitious, and not what I want for dinner. The neon green relish alone is doing too much. Why is it that color. What did they do to that relish. I have questions.

What about onions? Sauerkraut? Cheese? Chili?

All fine foods. All can sit beside the hot dog on the plate as their own little side dishes and live happy lives. But on the dog? No. The hot dog has done its job by being a hot dog. It does not need a costume. Mustard, ketchup, the end. If you want a chili dog, eat a bowl of chili. I will not be moved.

Is a hot dog a sandwich?

No. Next question. The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council actually issued an official ruling on this in 2015 and said a hot dog is not a sandwich, and on this particular issue I find myself unexpectedly agreeing with the Council. A hot dog is its own food category. We can be friends about ketchup later. Today we agree on this one thing.

What kind of hot dog should I actually buy?

A good all-beef one. Nathan’s, Hebrew National, Ball Park Angus, whatever your grocery store carries. Stay away from the bargain-bin mystery wieners. Get the buns that match — soft, fresh, not crumbly. Grill them until they have actual char marks on them. That char is everything. Then add two stripes of mustard and one stripe of ketchup, eat it standing up over a paper plate, and tell me with a straight face that you needed seven more toppings to enjoy that. I will not believe you.

More Hills Worth Dying On — Strong Food Opinions from Stephanie

• The Hill I Will Die On: Matcha Anything — No Thank Ya — It tastes like chalky grass and I have Harvard on my side. Hard pass forever.
• The Hill I Will Die On: Tacos Are the Most Brilliant Food Ever Invented — They feed a crowd, use up leftovers, and have an explosive etymology. I rest my case.
• Browse every Hill I Will Die On — the full archive of my strongest food opinions, all in one place.

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The Hill I Will Die On — About Stephanie Longstreth

Stephanie Longstreth is the home cook, mom, and storyteller behind StephanieCooksForACrowd.com. She cooks for a family of seven in Florida — five kids, two cats, and one husband who appreciates a good meal. Four of her children came home through adoption, and family stories are woven into everything she makes and shares. Find her crowd-friendly recipes, weekly meal plans, and real family life on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest @stephaniecooksforacrowd.